Betsy was gone at a meeting. I am not sure how, but a chicken shat in the house without me noticing. Why?

In the United States, or Allá as it is known here, I have found circulating, many shirts and logos of foreign design. If I were the logo-wearing type, I might happily wear such an item without really questioning its meaning. To me it would simply read “FOREIGN,” or “SPANISH,” or “SOME ASIAN LETTERS.” -You get the picture.
Here, this is taken to the extreme. I’d say that nearly 90% of t-shirts are printed in English. When it comes to children, it is just quite common to get second hand clothing from the US. Yes, there are many members of “Oak Park Little League” and “Meadow Hills Glee Club” running rampant in the streets of the DR, usually sans pants.
When one encounters older girls, “I like BOYS” and “I didn’t know he was your boyfriend” are more common, due to size availability and the like. Shirts worn by muchachos are more likely to read “Don’s Choppers” and “Born to Ride.” Professionals frequently wear work shirts with the names of their former owners still lingering about the breast pocket. I doubt that this trend is continuous with popular fashions in the US.
My friends here have suggested that I start a business where people pay me a peso to impart upon them the meaning of their various printed attire. I think that I might like doing this for free. After all, I’m no capitalist.
Yesterday, the 50-something-year-old father of our friend Ascacia, a fairly stoic character, strode solemnly about town with a smart little number that read:

Don’t scare me.
I poop easily.

I was so excited that I pulled Betsy off the road in order to stand on this family’s porch to see the shirt. I had no game plan past getting her on the porch and some serious awkwardness ensued as we stared at the lettering. Perhaps next time, I will chuckle to myself. Perhaps not.

-Jeffrey.